Cover via Amazon
"Miguel, will you take that ridiculous thing off?" Pedro said as he bent down on his knees to tighten the saddle on Pinto.
"But Pedro, it's a very special occasion today. Ohbumer's going to meet his maker", said Miguel, leaning against his trusty pint-sized steed, Punto.
"Miguel, it's not appropriate attire for funerals. A white laced, pink floral easter bonnet is hardly appropriate for anything except an Easter Parade", said Pedro, pulling the strap a little to tightly making Pinto bray. "Sorry Pinto..."
Pedro and Miguel were in town for Ohbumer's funeral. It was an accidental death. He'd gone golfing with Dick Shamey against the advise of his staff. Lady Gaga and Sarah Palin had at the request of the two men agreed to be their caddies in this celebrity event.
Footage from the security cameras at the golf course went blank at the crucial moment, so that there was no evidence whatsoever of the actual dastardly event. When the cameras did eventually start rolling again, all that was visible were two girls laughing side by side and blowing the smoke from the muzzle of their respective pistols. Shamey was smiling as he put his rifle back into his golf bag.
"Don't you go chasing skirt at the wake now, Pedro. I know how you just love Sarah Palin..."
"Be quiet, Miguel!"
"...oh, ha ha ha, and Lady Gaga will be there as well, all dressed in black, singing a eulogy to this lovely, lovely man. A man of the people..." Miguel finished dreamily and Punto took a step forward, unbalancing him, so that he fell flat on his face, dislodging the bonnet, and ending with the side of his face squashing some warm droppings from his miniature stallion.
"Oh, Miguel, that is very becoming! Now get back on your feet! We have a wedd..., ah no, funeral to get to."
Image via WikipediaThey mounted their ponies and rode off down the main street on that frosty autumn morning, unperturbed by the traffic that was starting to build, and meandered down Main Street, feet dangling above the tarmac. Miguel in his easter bonnet, wiping the pony's excrement from the side of his face, and Pedro, sitting upright in the saddle, resplendent, as black as the night.
In the distance they could see the crowd building outside the lonely church in the fields on the outskirts of town. Lady Gaga had arrived on her pet elephant led by a half naked, gold bedecked Indian man, who also doubled as a snake charmer. Patsy was staggering around the outside of the church, bottle in hand, looking for the entrance before being attracted back to the front by the elephant handler.
Miguel had now reverted to wiping snot on his sleeve in between arranging his bonnet with alternating hands, making sure always to have one hand on the reins. Pedro looked ahead silently, pondering the vicissitudes of life. Just the other day, Ohbumer was the inspiration of the world, the man with the gift of the gab, cutting an image on Television screens and newspapers across the world. Now he was dead, about to be laid six foot under, his arch rival Sarah Palin to throw the first clod of earth on his coffin, while Lady Gaga sings Baby's in Black.
Image via Wikipedia
The perfect murder? Spock thinks so. He'd written an article for the famed newspaper explaining with great logic, clarity and detail, how it must have been one of those three that fired the fatal bullet, separately or together. The girls just laughed maniacally in the background, while Dick, well he just smiled flanked by the two beauties.
Pedro starred blankly ahead to the approaching circus. Miguel now was sitting quietly as they slowly clip clopped along, a tear rolling down his dung encrusted cheek. One could sense a look of stern justice in Pedro's face, as the lines around his eyes and cheeks had become steadily more pronounced as they had made there way towards the church.
The bell was ringing across the plain. Miguel started bawling. Pedro told him to straighten his bonnet and pull himself together. The elephant sounded their arrival. A crowd and floral tributes scattered over the steps. Inside lay the coffin. The body was laid out for all to see, dressed up so that when he arrived in heaven, no sign of his earthly injuries would remind them of how he'd come to be there. It was to be Ohbumer's lay stand...
Another thrilling chapter in the adventures of Pedro & Miguel. All topics nicely segued, and even a poo reference thrown in for free! The size 8 font was a bit tricky at this hour of the morn, but the lovely piccys compensated.
ReplyDelete:)
Yes, it is a bit small. That's so I don't actually have to read it myself. I'll try to remedy this next time.
ReplyDeleteawesome! jonesy wins segway of the week :D
ReplyDeleteSay it isnt so,PDJ!
ReplyDeleteI bet Sarah was funded by Pox/Fox News...