Monday 24 December 2012
Saturday 22 December 2012
if you have a spare three hours
BIRDSONG. not for the short of attention span, as the pace is glacial. watched it last night (instead of viggo) with ladeez and we were, to a woman, utterly gobsmacked. from the first exsquisitely painterly scene til the last, it was a long slow dance between light and dark, colour and lack of colour. very light on dialogue, no clear names of characters apart from leads, and much gazing and face acting. you'll either hate it or love. we thought is was a masterpiece. and most interestingly, the power of the thing doesn't come from the expected source ... the romance. it's the 'other' that leaves you feeling like you've been hit by a bus. will be buying a copy for the library asap. see above post for snippet.
Friday 21 December 2012
Wednesday 19 December 2012
Why I love Dick
He's got his own beetroot now - featuring no preservatives, art. flavours or art. colours. Allow me to quote the label, "When American owned Heinz decided to sack their Golden Circle workers and move their processing facility from Australia to New Zealand causing hundreds of lost Aussie jobs, we decided enough is enough. So we are fighting back against poor quality imported products with our Magnificent Australian Grown Sliced Beetroot..."
s'been a while
on second thoughts
betty's dismay at yesterday's rantings moved me to contemplate the umbilicus for whole minutes this morning, so thought I'd come back and try again sans spitty vitriole :p
it's like this, see. we hobnob at fairly regular intervals with a couple (a stinking rich couple) who unfailingly fail (!!) to consult their fellow Large Group of diners and dictate ... right at the very end - never at the outset, that The Bill Shall Be Split Evenly. I don't know how they manage to wrangle this manouvre without someone more considerate cutting them off at the pass with a cheerful "X and Y and Z are a bit skint, so not tonight", but manage it they do. on the one occasion someone tentatively suggested perhaps it'd be better if we all paid for our own hooverings, the female half of the couple sneered and scoffed loudly at the proposition, and said something like "let's all be grown ups" (you already know what my position is on just how un grown up this behaviour is, but I'm tryna be gentle in this post ... ).
anyhoo, as we've now been booked for three (all at pricey joints) meals with these folk in coming weeks, I'm already pissed off ahead of time at having to think about how to cut them off at the bill splitting pass. I shouldn't feckin have too, innit. but since I do, and will undoubtedly be acting on our own behalf and that of our less well heeled brethren, I've been swimming with Bill Splittage haters. it fired me up just a little bit :D
so ... here's my sunshiny solution. arrive early and let staff know there'll be separate bills for each family or couple, and to keep track thusly. that way if Mr & Mrs Loaded show up brandishing only their gold amex, no probs, they have their own bill. too easy!
as yooz were.
it's like this, see. we hobnob at fairly regular intervals with a couple (a stinking rich couple) who unfailingly fail (!!) to consult their fellow Large Group of diners and dictate ... right at the very end - never at the outset, that The Bill Shall Be Split Evenly. I don't know how they manage to wrangle this manouvre without someone more considerate cutting them off at the pass with a cheerful "X and Y and Z are a bit skint, so not tonight", but manage it they do. on the one occasion someone tentatively suggested perhaps it'd be better if we all paid for our own hooverings, the female half of the couple sneered and scoffed loudly at the proposition, and said something like "let's all be grown ups" (you already know what my position is on just how un grown up this behaviour is, but I'm tryna be gentle in this post ... ).
anyhoo, as we've now been booked for three (all at pricey joints) meals with these folk in coming weeks, I'm already pissed off ahead of time at having to think about how to cut them off at the bill splitting pass. I shouldn't feckin have too, innit. but since I do, and will undoubtedly be acting on our own behalf and that of our less well heeled brethren, I've been swimming with Bill Splittage haters. it fired me up just a little bit :D
so ... here's my sunshiny solution. arrive early and let staff know there'll be separate bills for each family or couple, and to keep track thusly. that way if Mr & Mrs Loaded show up brandishing only their gold amex, no probs, they have their own bill. too easy!
as yooz were.
Tuesday 18 December 2012
Bob Dylan - It Must Be Santa
Man o man. I fergit, ya know? Saw him at the Byron Blues Festival 2011 and he was a complete tosser. But when he's good, he's so BLUDDY good. Merry Christmas you lot.
Monday 17 December 2012
A Better Way. Thus spake Incontinentia.
How about this, Bill Splitters :
When 6 or more (and therefore likely to contain a wide range of flushness or lack thereof) of you decide to dine out, go to the bottom and work your way up from there. ie, try using a little of your apparently underutilised resource "imagination", and guesstimate what is likely to be the comfort zone for the least able amongst you, and suggest that place. If your pauper feels he/she might be cramping your imagined style and is happy to stretch a little to accomodate YOU, go one notch up.
Don't do what the most apalling and, yes, I say it out loud, common, of show offs does and announce grandly "oh, we'll go somewhere cheap so it suits everyone" - and then put forward a list of options that are so far outside what any sane person might consider cheap as to be laughable. this, of course, is done deliberately (though always claimed to be innocent - I mean, who knew that some folk actually thought $45 mains expensive!), to teach you proles a lesson on how the true quality lives.
Once you arrive at the bottom of the barrel or its nearest neighbour, order as many $50 bottles of plonk as you like (assuming the place actually sells the stuff, which is unlikely - BYO anyone?), eat as many lobster thermidores as you like, then plonk a gently rounded up total of your sins on the plate. Cheerfully watch as everyone else does the same, and suck up that prententious inner tosser for the duration. If I want to barter my surplus eggs for the meal, why should you care? If I agree to wash dishes in exchange for the food, what difference can that possibly make to you and your enjoyment of the company? Or is fiscal difference so very distressing for you that it's impossible to tolerate, let alone encourage? Remember why you're there, and don't be an arsehole to your friends and loved ones.
When 6 or more (and therefore likely to contain a wide range of flushness or lack thereof) of you decide to dine out, go to the bottom and work your way up from there. ie, try using a little of your apparently underutilised resource "imagination", and guesstimate what is likely to be the comfort zone for the least able amongst you, and suggest that place. If your pauper feels he/she might be cramping your imagined style and is happy to stretch a little to accomodate YOU, go one notch up.
Don't do what the most apalling and, yes, I say it out loud, common, of show offs does and announce grandly "oh, we'll go somewhere cheap so it suits everyone" - and then put forward a list of options that are so far outside what any sane person might consider cheap as to be laughable. this, of course, is done deliberately (though always claimed to be innocent - I mean, who knew that some folk actually thought $45 mains expensive!), to teach you proles a lesson on how the true quality lives.
Once you arrive at the bottom of the barrel or its nearest neighbour, order as many $50 bottles of plonk as you like (assuming the place actually sells the stuff, which is unlikely - BYO anyone?), eat as many lobster thermidores as you like, then plonk a gently rounded up total of your sins on the plate. Cheerfully watch as everyone else does the same, and suck up that prententious inner tosser for the duration. If I want to barter my surplus eggs for the meal, why should you care? If I agree to wash dishes in exchange for the food, what difference can that possibly make to you and your enjoyment of the company? Or is fiscal difference so very distressing for you that it's impossible to tolerate, let alone encourage? Remember why you're there, and don't be an arsehole to your friends and loved ones.
A timely gripe on Socials of the Restaurant Kind
As we plummet twards the peak of hobnobbery and eating outery, I find meself workshopping a thing that ought not need workshopping. It's a thing that shouldn't exist amongst civilised, egalitarian, inclusive, generous grown-ups. Yet here it is, existing. Granted the anachronism of it means it's dying a fast death, it's not quite fast enough for the likes of moi. What is it ? I hear youz yelping. It's this:
BILL SPLITTING
I fucking hate it like poison, and find those who posture over it and sneer at dissent to be objectionable bullies, whose self-interest and focus on money overrides all that is good and decent. Also, they're dumber than housebricks. I've actually had one in particular suggest it's mean-spirited and a buzz kill to attempt to pay for what you've actually consumed. Rich, no? Coming from the person who felt it was just ticketty boo to shame those of straightened means (and who ordered accordingly) into subsidizing her $40 bottles of wine and three course meals. Just how in hell is that good-timey and generous? I'd be mortified if someone on a tight budget had to pay for my meal. Mortified, I tell ya!
Point is, we're headed for a raft of meals with compulsive bill splitters and I've decided it's time to make a stand. Last time a particular group stiffed us it was to the tune of $150. We literally ate $25 worth of food, no alcohol. Forked over $175 after the Chief Bully made the executive decision (with zero consultation) to split the bill. Worse still, at the same shindig an unemployed single parent friend diligently kept his eating to a total of $15, not for a minute imagining that someone would actually demand we split the bill, but was asked for $100. Absolutely thoughtless. So fucking busy posturing and appearing flush and full of largesse that they forget to behave like human beings.
Anyway, I've discovered that I'm not alone in finding this practice abhorrent - given our classless society there's very little chance that a group of 10 or more are all going to be in the same income bracket - and consequently there are plenty of tips for avoiding this bullying behaviour. The one I'm opting for is to simply, towards the end of the meal but before the bullies have a chance to commandeer proceedings, discretely go to cashier and pay up for what we've consumed, plus tip. When the bullies demand our 'share, I'll have this prepared earlier "yeah, no probs, thanks. we paid ours earlier - thought we'd make it 4 people easier for you" and smile nicely. The bullies will undoubtedly find this sneer-worthy and will call it unsporting and petty. But of course at no time will they consider that demanding everyone play their game (whether they can afford it or not) is the least sporty and most petty behaviour imaginable in a situation that should be about the company, not the money. Where's the friggin love?
And why does it bother them so much, to be truly egalitarian and allow everyone to pay their way? There are only two possible answers. a) they're so deeply obsessed with appearing flush that any suggestion of the realities of otherwiseness is terrifying - so they elect to demonise penury in a public shaming, or b) they're don't actually want to pay their own way and think nothing of having someone who is effectively broke pay for their high living. Whatever it is, I loathe it.
BILL SPLITTING
I fucking hate it like poison, and find those who posture over it and sneer at dissent to be objectionable bullies, whose self-interest and focus on money overrides all that is good and decent. Also, they're dumber than housebricks. I've actually had one in particular suggest it's mean-spirited and a buzz kill to attempt to pay for what you've actually consumed. Rich, no? Coming from the person who felt it was just ticketty boo to shame those of straightened means (and who ordered accordingly) into subsidizing her $40 bottles of wine and three course meals. Just how in hell is that good-timey and generous? I'd be mortified if someone on a tight budget had to pay for my meal. Mortified, I tell ya!
Point is, we're headed for a raft of meals with compulsive bill splitters and I've decided it's time to make a stand. Last time a particular group stiffed us it was to the tune of $150. We literally ate $25 worth of food, no alcohol. Forked over $175 after the Chief Bully made the executive decision (with zero consultation) to split the bill. Worse still, at the same shindig an unemployed single parent friend diligently kept his eating to a total of $15, not for a minute imagining that someone would actually demand we split the bill, but was asked for $100. Absolutely thoughtless. So fucking busy posturing and appearing flush and full of largesse that they forget to behave like human beings.
Anyway, I've discovered that I'm not alone in finding this practice abhorrent - given our classless society there's very little chance that a group of 10 or more are all going to be in the same income bracket - and consequently there are plenty of tips for avoiding this bullying behaviour. The one I'm opting for is to simply, towards the end of the meal but before the bullies have a chance to commandeer proceedings, discretely go to cashier and pay up for what we've consumed, plus tip. When the bullies demand our 'share, I'll have this prepared earlier "yeah, no probs, thanks. we paid ours earlier - thought we'd make it 4 people easier for you" and smile nicely. The bullies will undoubtedly find this sneer-worthy and will call it unsporting and petty. But of course at no time will they consider that demanding everyone play their game (whether they can afford it or not) is the least sporty and most petty behaviour imaginable in a situation that should be about the company, not the money. Where's the friggin love?
And why does it bother them so much, to be truly egalitarian and allow everyone to pay their way? There are only two possible answers. a) they're so deeply obsessed with appearing flush that any suggestion of the realities of otherwiseness is terrifying - so they elect to demonise penury in a public shaming, or b) they're don't actually want to pay their own way and think nothing of having someone who is effectively broke pay for their high living. Whatever it is, I loathe it.
Wednesday 5 December 2012
wankery
holaz, memsahibs
Betty's "summer of no causes" got me to emoting (as opposed to thinking, which would only have clouded the view). We seem to be chock full of causes here, just lately. Riled up anew at McFatsos proliferating like rogue cells in otherwise leafy glades, riled up eternally at the foulness of social media, riled up at overspending adipose bogans clogging up my local cash sinks, riled up that my kid has to go to the local high school (from which I've just returned after a morning of 'orientation' - aka, endless waffling by human sleeping pills in a stuffy hall), and riled up at the thought that if I said that to a local parent they'd assume it was income related snobbery, when in fact it's intellectual and cultural snobbery - which of course, makes it much better :p
what else? oh yeah, riled up at the biggie, as every year. STOP FKG SHOPPING!
Betty's "summer of no causes" got me to emoting (as opposed to thinking, which would only have clouded the view). We seem to be chock full of causes here, just lately. Riled up anew at McFatsos proliferating like rogue cells in otherwise leafy glades, riled up eternally at the foulness of social media, riled up at overspending adipose bogans clogging up my local cash sinks, riled up that my kid has to go to the local high school (from which I've just returned after a morning of 'orientation' - aka, endless waffling by human sleeping pills in a stuffy hall), and riled up at the thought that if I said that to a local parent they'd assume it was income related snobbery, when in fact it's intellectual and cultural snobbery - which of course, makes it much better :p
what else? oh yeah, riled up at the biggie, as every year. STOP FKG SHOPPING!
Monday 3 December 2012
Its not that this is the only thing going on up here....
But its the most important battle we're fightingxxx
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