its moments like this I'm glad this blog is anonymous....
So. here's the story:
I have a gaggle of gal pals. There's 4 of us who haunted the streets of Fitzroy in our late twenties/early thirties, and it was all a bit Sex In the City.
Flash forward to 2011. 3 out of 4 of us are married. I'm the only one with kids. One (lets call her Maddie) is on IVF and has been frantic to have kids for about 10 years. One (Lets call her Josie)is happily married, a busy artist and determined never to let ankle biters blight her path; she doesnt really like 'em. One (how about Sammy)is cheerfully independent, artistic and currently single, but has had a crap year, with tons of health and personal whammies coming her way.
Now, Sammy's birthday falls a cuppla days before Christmas. For about 15 years, this has meant a gathering at Sammy's house, about an hour out of town- sometimes dozens of us, sometimes only a few. Almost always the 4 gals tho.
I get a call from Sammy today. "I'd love you to all come up" she says. But you cant get away to stay overnight without the kids that close to Christmas- can you?"
I'm a little surprised. This has never been requested before."Well", I say, "it would be easier if we all came up together...I wasnt planning on staying with you, Sammy. We were going to drop in tho. Husby and I were going to share the driving home".
"I'm seeing Maddie today" she says. "I'll give you a call after that."
Oooookay.
So I get another call. From Maddie. Maddie's bossy. Maddie has just invited herself and her husband on our family holiday after Christmas, but that's another story...
"I've just been talking with Sammy" she announces, "and she's had a crap year, and she wants a quiet birthday. So I was thinking that my husband and I drive you to her house, then we drop you off at the train station the next day and you can catch a train back to the Dandenongs"
".....did Sammy ask you to call me and tell me this?" I ask.
"...not exactly, I just think she's had a crap year, and she's still not well, and the kids will be too much for her" she says. " And Josie wants it to be just us, but my husband has to be there because we're staying overnight and driving into central Victoria the next day."
.................................................................................
I'm trying to keep my patience.
I get that people who dont have kids dont always like them around. I get that.
If this Maddie chick finally has her much wanted bubby, I can promise you the kid will be going EVERYWHERE with her. And she'll raise hell with anyone trying to dictate otherwise.
I think that there really is one wacking huge line in the sand between people without kids and people with them, sometimes.
Its not that time without kids isnt fun- it is (eg my short trip to Brissy this year...)
I wouldnt dream of asking another Mum to dump her family just before Christmas.
...anyone else with kidlets ever been told to leave them at home?
I do see your point. And as a breastfeeder whose kiddies never took a bottle even for special occasions, mine accompanied me everywhere for some months. However, I have been on the other end of the stick. We've had some girly get togethers, where I have made a mammoth effort to have my lot attended to for a few brief hours, only to have someone else (and the same someone else each time) bring her snotty, whingy, handbag in tow. Then it's all watching your p's & q's all evening, and being interrupted on my blue moon night out. So - I can see both sides. Helpful?
ReplyDeleteKid free here, but I can still see both sides of it.... I think...
ReplyDeleteI would never intentionally put someone in that kind of place. I have a lot of friends that have children, my sister's kidlets included and if I am planning an event it either involves the kids or it is on a weekend where kids are with other people (ie. shared custody) This way no one is put out.
Sometimes it is nice to have a break from the kids, however in this situation, I think that it would have been nice for Sammy just to say outright that this year I am just having a quiet birthday and would prefer if it just be us girls, would still love to see you if you can make it instead of leaving it to Maddie to play the seemingly "bad guy" in it all.
Upfront honesty goes a long way sometimes.
hmmm.
ReplyDeleteHad a late night phone call from Sammy.
She thinks its funny, especially the bit where Maddie was going to put me on a train and have me spend Christmas Eve catching public transport across the city rather than drive in comfort with the family. And the bit where Maddie's invited Sammy, as well as herself, on our family holiday. (I didnt know about that..).
I get both sides too, not sure if I'll go, tho Sammy is saying please bring the kids, I never asked for this, etc....Sammy's not well and I dont want to stress her out. But I think she's being honest.
Nope. Maddie's the bad guy. I love her because she's strong bossy and I hate it when she's so bossy that she goes overboard. She's famous for it.
Good luck deciding, but I am sure that whatever you do will be best for you and the situation.
ReplyDeletewhatever you do, don't zip off together to an arab country & wear totally inappropriate plunging necklines, ala Sex in the City 2.
ReplyDeleteI can't see both sides, wilmsical!
ReplyDeletethat is to say, if our kids aren't included in invitations, we don't go. period. will qualify that by saying that's just for 'couple' invites, so to speak.
girls' nights are sacred, however, and no one under the age of consent is tolerated. for all the reasons betty mentioned. we like to cuss, talk lasciviously of our future affairs (yes, we're all having them) with viggo, and drink plonk :D
there are Things said on such girly Events which are best not overheard. And def best not repeated by little ears. Stuff involving past dalliances, swim coach pervery, mother-in-laws, child birth, Santa lists, mammograms, budget wrangling, and muffin recipes.
ReplyDeleteWell. I am with Darthie's first paragraph, if people cannot handle the kids then they should not invite the parents
ReplyDeletenot agreeing with you totally, Smoko. My old GF's all have permanent partners & kiddies. So sometimes we have get togethers with the whole crew, and the hubbies get along fine, talking shit & drinking stubbies, and the kiddies play together. But sometimes, I like to see my friends without their cohorts.
ReplyDelete